rmc28: (nursing)
I haven't breastfed for nearly four weeks.   The first couple of weeks were uncomfortable and messy in the way it was when N was very new (for the first time in ages I had to worry about whether the clothes I wore would show milk stains) but that too passed.

I moved all my nursing bras into a box for storage and I'll ebay them at some point.  I got a lot of nursing bras from ebay in the first place - it's kind of heartbreaking how many descriptions go along the lines of "tried to breastfeed but it didn't work out" - because even with a 50% failure rate for good fit, it was a lot cheaper than buying them new.

I think I'm less easily tired than I was, but it's hard to tell - too many other things that also make me tired.  I'm definitely less hungry though, and for that alone I'm grateful.
rmc28: (nursing)
I haven't breastfed Nico in over 24 hours (over 48 hours on one side, which is distinctly less comfortable right now).  For whatever reason, the redirections I've intermittently tried (to a drink from a cup or bottle, to just cuddles, to a dummy) have all been accepted recently.

I'm really hoping this continues to be the case.  Another few days should finish it.

I am so, so, so ready to stop breastfeeding.

(Just over 9 years since I got pregnant with Charles.  More than 8 years either pregnant or breastfeeding, and most of the "year off" trying to conceive.  I have had enough of sharing my body.  I have had enough of faffing about with bras rather than just wearing ones that let me run, and of choosing my clothing by whether I can feed in it.  I have definitely had enough of post-nursing hunger pangs.  My feelings about stopping are no longer mixed!)

rmc28: (nursing)
I am trying not to feed Nico except in his bed now.  I have also started trying to refuse/redirect feeding except at bedtime/overnight.  This follows a shift to never-offer-never-refuse from when he was about 18 months, and explicitly refusing to feed him at nursery pickup (waiting until we got home) a few months after that.

As a result, I no longer need to choose my clothing by whether I can breastfeed in it, which was especially useful in yesterday's record heatwave when I could wear the lightest work-appropriate clothes I owned.

I'm some way off stopping breastfeeding outright and I have mixed feelings about finishing. Breastfeeding is one of the things my body seems to do well and that feels good, and I will no doubt miss it when it's gone.  On the other hand, I have spent 7.5 of the last 8.5 years either pregnant or breastfeeding, and more than half of that year off I was focused on getting pregnant again.  It will be both strange and good to have my body entirely to myself again.
rmc28: Rachel smiling against background of trees, with newly-cut short hair (Default)
Don't make me hungry, you wouldn't like me if I'm hungry.  Really, I'm horrible when I've got low blood sugar.  I know that's old, they even made the joke in the Ed Norton film)

Yesterday, as I was trying to make enough food to get me through a day at work and a lunchtime feed for Nicholas, I thought of the other big line:

That's my secret, Cap. I'm always hungry.

Close enough to true at the moment.  Baby must be growing.

rmc28: Rachel smiling against background of trees, with newly-cut short hair (Default)
Birthday boy with baby
We all went to the Discworld Convention in Birmingham last weekend, including escaping for a day to visit Cadbury World, as we were already so near to Bournville. For me it was a lovely social weekend, but I felt a bit less fannishly engaged than I would have liked to be, and am thinking on the likely causes and possible solutions for next time.

Charles fails to pose for photo at #paralympics
On Thursday I took the children (yay) to the Olympic Park having secured park-only Paralympic tickets, so we could "soak up the atmosphere" - we had no entry to any events but with a newborn and a restless five-year-old I doubt we'd have stayed long in any audience. We probably saw about a quarter of the park, had a meal, bought some souvenirs, and then gave in to the chilly damp weather and headed home again.
On our way home, Charles is worn out

On Friday, I took the children (yay) to Welwyn to meet up with Tony's sister, who has her own bump due to disgorge in a few weeks, for a lunch of gossip, and to pass on all the late-pregnancy / newborn baby stuff that we no longer need. Welwyn is easy for us to reach by train and for her to reach by car, and may become a good "compromise" meeting place for more frequent meetings in future, when neither family wants to do the full 2-3 hour journey to see the other.

Pumping kit & bottle inventory - or "how does all this fit together again?"
The week before DWCon, I dug out all the breast milk pumping/sterilising/storage stuff I kept since Charles stopped taking bottles about five years ago. The steriliser now has a place in the kitchen, and I culled out enough bottles to support the level of pumping I'm aiming for (no more than 2-3 times a week, to be used short-term, not bothering with a freezer stash). The rest of the milk storage went to SIL. I've started using breastshells to protect my clothing from my huge oversupply, and sometimes manage to sterilise them so the milk can be saved for use in a bottle later. I've had a couple of pumping sessions to provide for babysitting, and filled my first donation bottle for the local NICU. It's sitting in the freezer until I've completed all the paperwork so my milk can be used, and my intention is that it will get a friend filled every time I pump from now on.

Charles taking a turn at feeding his brother

rmc28: Rachel smiling against background of trees, with newly-cut short hair (Default)
I am making lots of milk and Nicholas is feeding like a champ, and I had forgotten just how intensely hungry breastfeeding makes me.

I need ideas for easy, quick and filling snacks.  Things that need to be prepared in advance are ok, but the end result should be something I can grab out of a cupboard or fridge and eat almost immediately, probably one-handed.  The lower the glycaemic index the better: I'm trying to stabilise my blood sugar after feeds, not send it rising and crashing again.
rmc28: (wwje)
Milestone number 1: shortly before Christmas I instituted a new rule of no breastfeeding except in bed. This was mainly because Charles's preferred feeding position was getting too heavy to hold comfortably. Hippy mummy that I am, it's pretty much the first breastfeeding restriction I've set. I'm happy with feeding on-demand and child-led weaning, and I'm still happy to breastfeed him if he wants it. But I also value my arms not going numb or even bruised from holding up a heavy head.

So Charles was suddenly restricted to bedtime and morning feeds, and he's mostly taking it well. At the start of the new regime, I explained why the new rule was in place, and I've reminded him of it when he's asked for feeds at other times. He seems to have understood and accepted it. Occasionally he announces it's bedtime at 3pm or similarly implausible time, but has always been distractable with an alternative food or comfort. I've broken the rule a couple of times, when he's been ill or when we've been away from home and he's been very distressed. But generally it's worked out.

Milestone number 2: tonight I put him to bed, and he fell asleep during the story without asking for a feed. I can't remember when that ever happened before. If Tony does the bedtime routine, about half the time Charles asks for a feed after the story. If I do bedtime, he always asks for a feed. Until tonight.

I am starting to believe he might stop breastfeeding soon.

(Edited to add: except he woke up 2 hours later and asked for a feed then.)
rmc28: (wwje)
GMTV have a breastfeeding survey up, which displays an incredible amount of bias. Before it even starts, it says "Did you breastfeed your child? Should mums who bottle feed be made to feel guilty? Let us know in our confidential survey..."

Then after some basic demographic questions, we go on to:

Do you/did you prefer breastfeeding or bottle feeding? Breastfeeding/bottle feeding
Should all mums be encouraged to breastfeed exclusively from birth? Yes/No
Do you/did you bottle feed your child? Yes/no/not applicable

If you say "yes" or "not applicable" to bottle feeding you get asked

Did you feel guilty about bottle feeding your baby? yes/no
Did you feel others tried to bully you into breastfeeding when you didn't want to? yes/no

If you say "no", then you are whizzed straight past this to the end, with no indication that it exists, except the numbering.

The final question is optional

Do you have a breastfeeding story you would like to tell us? Maybe you struggled to breastfeed and a bottle was your only option? Maybe you chose to bottle feed to give you greater flexibility for work or childcare? Whatever your situation, if you want to share your story please fill in the form below. Remember to leave us your contact details so that we can get in touch.

This is a survey to produce the desired result: mothers who bottle feed feel guilty and bullied and picked on by the "pressure" to breastfeed. Cue a nice bit of sofa interview on GMTV and an opportunity to lay into those annoying holier-than-thou breastfeeding mothers who just like to make formula-feeding mothers feel guilty about something they couldn't help. All good emotional catharsis and light daytime entertainment.

It won't surprise you that this leaves me fuming. I am a mother who "struggled to breastfeed" and found a bottle was NOT my only option; whose employer made a small concession (a short daily break, less time than the smokers take) so that work and childcare didn't have to mean the end of breastfeeding; who on the rare opportunities for comparison has concluded that breastfeeding is by far more flexible. But I could so easily have been a bottle-feeding mother and that I am not is far more to do with my friends and family than anything I did.

The choice to breastfeed is never made in a vacuum. It is a learned activity: mothers have to learn how to breastfeed along with their babies. Where breastfeeding is the norm, and acceptable in public, new mothers will see other mothers feed and pick up hints and tips almost unconsciously. They will have people to turn to when they are struggling. In the modern developed world this is rarely the case, and instead we have lactation consultants and breastfeeding helplines trying to fill the gap. Most women need some help or advice to get started breastfeeding for the first time.

My NCT class was made up of 6 very typical prosperous middle-class couples, all of whom wanted to breastfeed, but half of whom expressed serious worries about pressure from parents to bottlefeed instead. "It was good enough for you." "It'll be easier." "I'll just give him a bottle so you can sleep." (Please note the lack of questions in the GMTV survey about being bullied into bottlefeeding.)

If everyone around you bottlefeeds and expects you to bottlefeed and you have no experience of breastfeeding mothers to draw on, and breastfeeding isn't easy at first, and you have no support, it is hardly surprising that you "end up" bottlefeeding. Instead of guilt, it is anger and determination that we should be instilling in the women who "had" to bottle-feed. Guilt and a sense of victimhood lead to passivity and a sense that there was nothing that could be done: great for the formula manufacturers, unhelpful for mothers and babies.

I absolutely believe that all mothers should be encouraged to breastfeed exclusively from birth. But "encouraging breastfeeding" goes far beyond some posters in the hospital, a bit of exhortation from the medical profession, and a lactation consultant if you're lucky. The formula companies make millions and can outspend the breastfeeding campaigns thousands of times over.

Encouraging breastfeeding means cafes and motorway services saying "breastfeeding welcome". It means nursing rooms as well as places to warm up a bottle. It means the bottle not being a universal symbol for baby feeding. It means employers making provision for pumping and making it clear that returning to work before the baby is a year old doesn't have to mean giving up breastfeeding. It means nurseries and childminders knowing how to handle expressed milk, and the ways it differs from formula. It means banning the marketing of all baby milk, and getting rid of that invented definition "follow-on" milk. It means making it illegal to harass a mother feeding her child in public.

Encouraging breastfeeding is made up of thousands on thousands of everyday actions by individuals, organisations, companies and governments. It's bigger and more complicated than breast vs bottle "debates" on morning tv, and not nearly as entertaining, but the potential rewards are much higher.
rmc28: (nursing)
I caught the last 20 minutes of this Channel 4 documentary just now. All the stuff with feeding babies was just interesting - not sensationalist, just interesting. I've never really found the idea of feeding other babies strange. I've held other people's babies and felt them root and since having Charles my instinctive response has been to want to feed them; because I am well-socialised I have merely offered them back to their parent (or had the more observant parents ask for them back). I remember Charles rooting at the breasts of at least two other women (neither of them lactating) and I don't think I would have minded him feeding from them unless I was full to bursting myself and needed the physical relief.

I can imagine this kind of wonderful baby-care-share thing where one mother looks after 2 babies while the other goes and does stuff elsewhere (whether job or something else) and then vice versa. I think "that would be so cool, neither of you would have to express milk, or at least not so much" because pumping for Charles really was a grind and I was quite happy to stop when it was clear he wouldn't take bottles any more. But you would have to know and trust the other person quite well first, and it's not really something that comes up in casual parenting-group conversation. It's really a bit weird and out there for UK society these days, and I think that's rather sad, but related to the even sadder tale of how few babies are breastfed at all here.

So the babies-sharing-feeding things were fine and interesting and just as I was feeling mildly superior in my open-mindedness they managed to make me go ick. They showed adults drinking breastmilk.

There was this guy in California who thinks drinking breastmilk is keeping his cancer at bay: when he started, his "marker count" dropped back to normal, when he couldn't get hold of any for a month, the count went back up, and then went back down to normal within a week of restarting the breastmilk.

I watched this with my former-milk-donor hat on and thought about how I was quite happy to give my milk to the local neonatal unit, for the tiny premature babies that the Rosie is so good at looking after, but no way would I donate milk to have it to go to this adult who'd already had years of life - no way.

He mentioned paying for it, so I guess in the US the milk donors are paid too. My feelings on that are like my feelings about blood donation and egg/sperm donation - I don't mind giving, but bringing money into it feels very wrong. If nothing else it changes individuals' incentives in ways that can lead to bad outcomes (e.g. lying about HIV infection in order to get donation money). It was hard work pumping for Charles, as I said, and expressed milk is precious stuff - you've only to read a few posts on [livejournal.com profile] working_cows to realise how precious.

I also watched it with my bad science reader hat on, and thought about placebo effects and coincidence, and whether being stressed from not having The Magic Breastmilk would as easily explain the rise in "marker count". I think it would be very interesting to see a more controlled trial of breastmilk and cancer treatment, but I dislike the idea of it being at the expense of premmie babies.

There was also a rather weird bit at the end in a fashionable London art gallery with our pretty presenter getting people to try breastmilk and strawberries dipped in cream-made-from-breastmilk. If nothing else it showed the power of fashion - once a few people had tried it, nearly everyone jumped on the bandwagon with the memorable exception of the presenter's husband. Mostly it made me go ick, but if only breastfeeding could be made that fashionable eh?

Enough rambling from me now, as it's well past my bedtime.


2008-06-04 14:31
rmc28: (nursing)
Second day of working full-time and my body thinks it should have fed Charles by now. I haven't felt this full in ages.

I wonder how long it will take to adapt - and why it didn't happen yesterday.
rmc28: (rmcf+fcdf-3)
Lots of people! And interesting panels! And childcare (and Charles seemed to love it)!

We failed to pack enough nappies so this morning I ventured out on a bus into local suburbia, and managed to time it with a small snowstorm. My lovely new long black skirt is not ideal for splashing around in the snow, but being made of light cotton, it dries fast. Multiple times over.

Leo is here, what a lovely surprise. Also I just ran into [livejournal.com profile] morgangallagher, who I 'know' in the context of breastfeeding communities on LJ.

And that reminds me that I wanted to point people at her post on a brilliant advertising campaign for breastfeeding. The brief is really ambitious - normalise breastfeeding among young mums in Lancashire - and the result definitely more interesting than the usual breastfeeding campaign.
rmc28: (glowy)
Charles developed a mild fever during Thursday night and so on Friday we kept him home and Tony worked a half-day so I could go to work. The fever responded well to infant paracetamol but he was fairly clingy and desperately thirsty much of the day and night.

We decided in the end that Tony & Louise would go to Sheffield by train, and attempt to amend the railcard tickets at the station (thanks [livejournal.com profile] lnr for that idea!). Conrad can come back on my ticket. Overall we probably won't be much out of pocket. I rang the B&B to let them know it would just be Tony, but it turned out they were full and unable to move him to a cheaper room.

This morning Charles was no longer feverish. But still very clingy and tired, so after 2 minutes consideration I decided not to pack hurriedly and go along at the last minute after all. I felt more down than I expected when we waved them off though. I was really looking forward to seeing people, and I already know Charles and I won't be at the next big Finch gathering (it clashes with the Wychwood festival).

These last two weeks I have been very glad that I can still breastfeed Charles.
rmc28: Rachel smiling against background of trees, with newly-cut short hair (Default)
My formula petition closed recently and so (like everyone else who signed it) I got an email linking to the official government response. Colour me underwhelmed: a lot of "consulting" and "exploring" and "discussing" and "reminding". Some "enforcing" or "prosecuting" would be nice, in the la-la fantasy land of my mind where public health is valued more highly than corporate profits.

Today I got an email about another petition I signed, about assumption of fault in insurance claims for car accidents, and the government response appears to completely miss the point of the petition.

Still, at least we're getting involved. Feel that warm happy involved glow.
rmc28: (nursing)
Now, there's a word: comfort. I remember, pre-motherhood, challenging a friend of mine who was breastfeeding her 18-month-old child. "But isn't it just for comfort?" I said. "What's wrong with wanting to comfort my child?" she said.

I got the "and you're still breastfeeding him?" question today. From another nursing mother. In the breastfeeding area at John Lewis. I swallowed my annoyance and wittered sweetly about how he ate solids 5 times a day but still wanted to feed.

The childminder I interviewed today didn't blink at him being nursed though. I made a comment when leaving that sometimes I was asleep before Tony came home (in the context of how soon I could sensibly give her a decision) and she said "well, you're a nursing mother, you're allowed."
rmc28: (nursing)
Now that Charles is 1, and also now that he is quite clearly a hulking toddler, I am getting asked more when I'm going to stop breastfeeding him. I even had someone tell me outright last weekend that "now he's 1, he should be purely on solids". I put them right politely[1] but I'm feeling a bit more exposed and isolated, as I don't know anyone locally who nurses a toddler. Oh, that's not true, my lovely colleague Danielle is still nursing her son, 1 week younger than Charles. Hurrah.

[1] "Actually, the current advice is for babies to be primarily milk-fed until a year, and he can't just flip a switch on his birthday - we're offering him solids 5-6 times a day and letting him set the pace."

Anyway, yesterday I managed to get in touch with someone from the local branch of La Leche League and she's emailed me with useful information. Their regular meeting-up is on Friday mornings, which I can't do, but they have an email chat list. I think I'll find it useful for boosting my confidence that I'm not being a freak.
rmc28: (nursing)
The two most common reactions to criticising formula advertising that I've come across in the last 2 weeks are as follows:

1. It's a mother's choice whether to give breastmilk or formula, no-one else gets a say (and heaven help you if you are not a mother, as some of my friends have found)
2. How dare you make mothers who formula-feed feel guilty for doing so?

In answer to 1:
Yes, it is a mother's choice, because it is her body that will get used (or not), but it needs to be a fully informed and supported one. The choice is not between two equal options, although the formula manufacturers have a huge vested interest in making mothers and those around them think it is. Formula feeding carries higher health risks for the child (and is worse for the environment), and costs more, while breastfeeding has a much harder learning curve to get started. It's very hard for a mother to get a fully informed and supported choice when the formula manufacturers have a much bigger advertising (and product placement) budget than the government and charity breastfeeding support campaigns. Regulation of advertising is one of the tools to keep the information flow balanced.

In answer to 2:
Why the hell should mothers feel guilty?
- if they thought formula was pretty much the same as breastmilk?
- if they thought breastfeeding would "just come naturally" and found it frustrating and difficult and painful?
- if they had no support, or even people actively encouraging them to "just give them a bottle and get some rest"?
- if they didn't know that starting to give bottles before breastfeeding is established can lead to a downward spiral of milk supply and the need for more formula?

Why the hell should they feel guilty? Why aren't they feeling angry at the way they have been systematically lied to and undermined? It is a stroke of twisted genius to characterise anti-formula-advertising as "making mothers feel guilty", when the aim is to give mothers a truly informed choice, not just what the formula manufacturers would like them to believe.

Anyway, as a post-script to this rantage, I wanted to note the most important things I learned about breastfeeding before Charles was born. It was these, rather than the "breast is best" mantra, that kept me going in the first few weeks:

* It would not come naturally, and we would both have to learn.
* It would hurt at times.
* It would be damn inconvenient at times.
* If we could get through the first six weeks, we'd probably be ok.
* Never ever to use a bottle until either we'd got nursing established or I was definitely giving up.

I was ready to have a steep six-week learning curve, and I promised myself if I couldn't cope after six weeks, I would give in and use formula instead. It took us 10 days, plus the exciting growth spurt around 3 weeks (the one where he fed for hours on end). I had mother and mother-in-law and friends and The Internet to support me. They say it takes a village to raise a child; I think it takes a good portion of a village to help a mother and child learn to breastfeed.
rmc28: (nursing)
It's now 4 weeks since Charles started drinking much less while I was at work. I haven't pumped at work for a week (just at home as-and-when I need to, which I'm finding much less stressful) and tomorrow I'm going to return the keys to the room I was provided, and let my bosses know I won't need a pumping break any more.

I no longer need to pump for my own comfort as my oversupply has eased up in recent months and I'm much happier not scheduling the break at work. I'm keeping up with what Charles drinks while I'm gone and he gets plenty of feeding from me in the afternoons and evenings, so my supply isn't threatened. Work have been generally supportive of my breastfeeding so far, but I don't need to pump at work any more and I'm heartily glad to stop.
rmc28: (nursing)
I've been trying to think, and until just over a week ago, I don't think I'd seen any other woman nursing in public since Charles was born. I've seen other women in the nursery at the hospital when we were all trying to work out how to do it, at an NCT coffee morning, in the breastfeeding room in Boots, and I've seen a couple of other mothers in their own homes. But not in public, that I can remember.

Last weekend, there was a mother nursing her little baby (about 3 months old) in the compartment next to us on the steam train. On Thursday I saw a toddler being fed on the bus and had to resist shouting "yay, you're still nursing your toddler, that's great!" (As Debbie pointed out, this would rather destroy the sense of normality with which I wish that was regarded - I settled for giving the mother a great beaming grin, but she looked tired and I'm not sure she saw me.) At Wychwood I saw lots of babies being nursed - at one point I was nursing Charles and could see two other babies being nursed within a short distance.

Maybe I've just got better at spotting other nursing mums - after all there's not that much obvious from a distance unless you're looking, or the baby is "helpfully" lifting your top as Charles likes to do. Or maybe there really has been a recent increase in women happy to nurse in public. Either way, I feel happy that it's not just me.
rmc28: (nursing)
I have 23 bottles of breastmilk in it - one will need defrosting on Monday morning, and there is a 24th bottle in the fridge against need over the weekend. I've been getting mildly intimidated by women talking about their 300oz EBM stash, but it occurred to me this week that 23 lots of 120-200ml (4-7oz) is not at all bad by comparison. I have a few Milk Bank bottles in there, taking the odd surplus and waiting for the weekly collection.

At the start of each day I ensure there is a warmed bottle in bed with Tony and Charles, and a spare bottle in the fridge. I take 2 more bottles to work to fill. I have finally this week reached equilibrium where I rotate 4 bottles during the week - each day 2 in the fridge, 2 being sterilised and taken to work. On Friday milk goes in the freezer, and on Monday the oldest milk is removed and defrosted. It lasts about 3 months.

Usually Charles just demolishes one serving, and I produce a little more than one serving at work. The fridge/freezer storage helps buffer things a little. I used to leave him 120ml back in January to last the 6 hours I'm gone. Then for a while he consistently ate 150ml or so, now it is consistently 180-200ml. Thankfully my production is keeping pace.
rmc28: (rmcf+fcdf)
Things I love about breastfeeding:
1. It feels good. It's all warm and cuddly and I magically turn a cross hungry baby into a happy content baby.   And there's a nice bit of brain chemistry that gives me a little warm buzz every time.
2. It's so convenient (now we're past the learning stage).  Breastfeeding on demand means he gets what he needs when he needs it and I've always got food for him with me.  If baby is hungry I just find somewhere to sit and we're sorted (and I can feed him standing up for short periods if really necessary).   There's a whole load of things I don't even need to think about: having enough formula in, or what brand is best, or packing bottles when we're out of the house, or working out how much he needs and how often.

Things I find annoying about breastfeeding:
1. Being constantly interruptable for feeding unless I've got some milk expressed.  Even if someone else is watching him, no EBM means no completely 'off' time for me.  And expressing milk is a faff, even with the pump to speed things up, what with making sure there's always sterile pump parts and bottles when I need them.  I need to make that part of an automatic daily routine in order to manage when I go back to work and I haven't yet.
2. Getting milk on most of my clothes at some point.  I wear pads constantly and they mostly work unless he goes for a much longer than usual time between feeds.  Sometimes he pulls off unexpectedly mid-feed and I spray everything.  Or he just dribbles while feeding.

I'm glad we breastfeed and the good definitely outweighs the bad, as well as the background knowledge that I'm feeding Charles the best possible food.  It's cheaper than formula in the long-term, though my powered double-pump is definitely a luxury that makes the pay-back time rather longer.  I'm eating more too, but I don't think that costs as much as buying separate special food.
rmc28: (finches)
Charles's appetite ramped up suddenly yesterday afternoon. I've spent the time since either feeding him, winding him, feeding myself or sleeping. He hasn't let me go long enough between feeds to even contemplate expressing something so I can have a break from feeding. I think the longest gap I've had is 4 hours during last night - I slept. Most of the time it's been around an hour, if that.

I couldn't do this on my own. Sue fed me dinner last night, and when I went to bed, Tony kept taking baby away to soothe him to sleep so I could nap in between feeds.

I wonder if we should expect a growth spurt imminently.


rmc28: Rachel smiling against background of trees, with newly-cut short hair (Default)
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